Codependency Checklist | ChecklistComplete

Details for Codependency Checklist

1. Advise others and focus on their problems.

Codependents often give more advice than is asked for, in an effort to fix another person’s problem or difficulty. This often results in taking away a person’s autonomy and discouraging them from finding their own solutions. These codependent individuals may try to fill the role of a “savior” and take on responsibility for the other person’s emotions and actions.

2. Appear to be competent and self-reliant.

Codependents may appear to be strong, competent, in control, and emotionally self-sufficient. However, they are usually avoiding their feelings of low self-worth while relying heavily on external validation from others. This need for approval causes codependents to hide their true selves in order to gain the acceptance of others.

3. Do things perfectly to earn approval.

Codependents often strive for perfectionism in an effort to gain approval from others or meet the expectations of authority figures who have a lot of influence over them. This behavior can lead to burnout and resentment, as they are unable to attain the unachievable goals they have set for themselves.

4. Project a successful, happy image.

Codependents may project an image of success and happiness in order to mask feelings of helplessness, sadness, and worthlessness. They do this in an effort to hide their true emotions from others so that they can receive validation and acceptance from them.

5. Isolate themselves and feel lonely.

Codependents often isolate themselves from friends and family due to feeling unlovable or unworthy. This can lead them to feel more isolated, lonely, and disconnected from those around them. It’s important for codependents to reach out for help if they are feeling isolated, as it can be a sign of depression or other mental health concerns.

6. Communicate indirectly, through others.

Codependents may communicate indirectly to avoid possible criticism or rejection. They may use other people to do things they don’t want to do, such as asking a friend to deliver an unpleasant message rather than doing it themselves. This behavior can lead codependents to become dependent on others for communication and make them feel less in control of their own lives.

7. Do not know how to set boundaries.

Codependents often have difficulty setting healthy boundaries with those around them due to feelings of guilt and fear of abandonment or disapproval. Oftentimes codependents will allow someone else to make decisions for them, be manipulative, or take advantage of their kindness.

8. Become the family guardian.

Codependents may become the “family guardian” and take on responsibility for everyone else’s feelings and problems. This can lead to codependents sacrificing their own needs in order to support those around them, even if they are not asked or expected to do so.

9. Vigilant, careful not to expose evidence.

Codependents often become overly vigilant in an effort to hide any evidence of their true emotions from others. They will avoid discussing certain topics or revealing too much about themselves out of fear that it could lead to disapproval or rejection by someone important in their lives.

10. Take over the abuser’s obligations.

Codependents may take on responsibilities that should be handled by the abuser in an effort to keep their relationships functional. This can be a dangerous dynamic as it enables the abuser and often leads to codependents feeling trapped in the relationship or too dependent on the abuser for validation or approval.

FAQ for Codependency Checklist

1. What is codependency?

Codependency is an unhealthy relationship pattern in which one person relies on another for their sense of identity and emotional wellbeing. It's characterized by a lack of independence, an excessive need for approval and validation, difficulty setting boundaries, and low self-esteem. Codependent relationships may involve both partners (or even more people) struggling with these issues.

2. What are the signs of codependency?

Codependent relationships often manifest in behavior such as avoiding uncomfortable topics or conversations, over-functioning or taking responsibility for others’ feelings or actions, trying to do things perfectly to gain approval, isolating oneself and feeling lonely, communicating indirectly through others, failing to set boundaries with those around them, becoming the “family guardian”, constantly being vigilant not to expose evidence of one’s true emotions to others, and feeling responsible for the happiness of others.

3. How can I tell if I'm codependent?

If you find yourself constantly making decisions based on what other people want or need from you; feel like you can't be yourself because it will result in disapproval from someone important; find that your anxiety increases when someone might get angry at you; feel like your opinion doesn't matter; have difficulty saying no to requests; often do things without questioning why; feel guilty when you take time for yourself; and/or are unable to let go after a breakup or negative relationship experience—you could be exhibiting signs of codependency.

4. What causes codependency?

Codependency typically develops as a result of growing up in an environment where one’s own needs were not met or were dismissed in favor of fulfilling the needs of another person (usually a parent). As adults, this manifests in their ability (or inability) to form healthy relationships with other people due their reliance on external sources for validation instead of relying upon themselves. The underlying cause is usually rooted in childhood trauma caused by neglectful parental behavior or abuse.

5. Is codependency treatable?

Yes! Although it may take some time and effort to work through the underlying issues that led to this behavior pattern, there are effective treatments available such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), psychodynamic therapy, psychotherapy groups specifically for codependents, mindfulness meditation, art therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). With the help of a professional therapist who specializes in treating codependency—and dedication towards adopting healthier coping skills—it is possible to break out of this maladaptive cycle and lead more fulfilling lives independently from external sources of validation.

In Summary

A codependency checklist can be an incredibly helpful tool in identifying and rectifying unhealthy relationship patterns. People who are codependent often take on responsibilities that should be handled by their partner, setting them up for feeling trapped or overly dependent on the other person. Common signs of a codependent relationship include avoiding uncomfortable conversations, taking responsibility for others’ feelings, having difficulty setting boundaries, communicating indirectly, and feeling responsible for the happiness of others.

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